Believe in Love - 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence
English | Size: 14.91 MB
Believe in Love - 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence
By Evan Marc Katz
I don't have any of the bonus material referenced below. All I have is the book and the workbook.
If anyone has any of his other stuff, I'd be interested in checking it out.
Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz
Learn How to Live Freely Without Fear and Sadness....
Enjoy Dating, Flirting, and Connecting with Men... And Create Passionate, Unconditional LOVE In 7 EASY steps
Thanks so much for visiting my website. I know your time is valuable, and I know there's a lot written on this page, so if you already know you want "," click below to access the program and start finding love:
Your belief in love has been shaken to its core.
You've been disappointed by one too many unavailable guys.
You've suffered through a lifetime of flakes, liars, losers and players.
You've wasted your youth on selfish commitmentphobes.
Your faith in men has been shattered, again and again.
Your tolerance for dating and online dating is less than zero.
You just don't see the point of subjecting yourself to the whims of another man, only to risk being hurt all over again.
I understand. You're a smart woman. Smart women make smart choices based on available evidence - and anyone in your position would likely come to the same conclusion: you'd better take a semi-permanent break from dating.
You go through your post-break-up hibernation.
You have your crying time.
You throw yourself into your work.
You lean heavily on your girlfriends.
You read good books, watch bad TV, and lick your wounds for a bit.
You get back to the gym.
You plan a girls' weekend.
You fill up your life with things you love.
Months go by. Years, even.
Until suddenly, magically, the black cloud over your head starts to lift.
You emerge from your cocoon, ready to enjoy life again. You still feel occasional pangs of sadness, but, for the most part, you're back to your old self.
More importantly, you don't find yourself obsessing about that one guy anymore.
In fact, you don't think about ANY guys anymore.
You don't want to. You don't need to.
In your experience, men cause pain, and since you don't want any more pain, you've decided to swear off dating for now.
It's not that dating never crosses your mind. But every time you feel that yearning for love, your negative thoughts keep flooding back, reminding you of all the reasons you shouldn't even try to get back out there.
"I'm not good at relationships."
"Most men have way too much baggage and emotional immaturity."
"The men I like don't want me, and I don't like the men who do want me."
"Online dating always makes me feel worse about myself."
"I can't waste any more time on another guy who disappoints me."
"I don't think I can trust my own judgment."
"Love has always let me down. Why would I try it again?"
These thoughts feel right. They make sense.
Now that you're back to feeling like 95% of your former self, why risk your good spirits on something as unpredictable as dating?
The issue is that you've shut off an essential 5% of yourself.
That 5% is called hope.
Hope is what allows you to believe your life can always get better.
Hope is what keeps you motivated to overcome challenges at work.
Hope is the ember of a fire that burns quietly inside you, yearning for true love.
You've consciously decided to blow that fire out.
You're busy. You're content. Life goes on.
Or so you'd like to think.
But whether you like it or not, sooner or later, after some family gathering, wedding or silly romantic comedy, your inner voice finally speaks up:
"I miss being in love."
You hate that voice - that vulnerable sap inside you who actually wants to be cherished by a man. You shut her down immediately.
"No! Dating is a nightmare. Men are not to be trusted. Love is a waste of time."
It's a compelling case. You have a lot of bad experiences to support it.
You think back to the men who have hurt you.
You consider the years you have wasted.
You put on a happy face to the world.
You say to anyone who asks:
"I don't want a man. I don't need a man. Life is so much better this way."
And it's true. Life IS better without the pain of a bad relationship. But it's not nearly as inspiring and joyful as it can be with a GREAT relationship.
While you can try to ignore your hopeful voice, you can never fully silence it. Your hopeful voice speaks for the real, authentic you, and it's saying:
You DO want to fall in love again. You just don't want to get HURT again.
Search your soul and you'll know this is true.
You're NOT truly satisfied being single.
You're merely making the best of your circumstances.
You've got a good job, close friends, and enough interests to keep you occupied, 24/7. But despite the fact that you're happy...
You bristle at what your family thinks about your choices.
You resent that your married friends have drifted away.
You hate being excluded from couples' dinner parties.
You dread being the woman who travels by herself.
You know that there are fewer available men with each passing year.
You're deathly afraid of growing old alone.
While you know you shouldn't make any decisions based on societal conventions or what other people think...
You really want what your happily married friends have.
An end to your fear and anxiety.
A shoulder to cry upon at the end of a hard day.
A guy to make you laugh when you need it the most.
A man to generously pay for dinner and take care of things around the house.
A best friend, lover and partner-in-crime all wrapped up in one.
A confidante who makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
A husband who vows to be there for you, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, 'til death do you part.
The problem is that you have no hope that this is even POSSIBLE.
And as the months and years go by, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy:
You don't believe in love, so you don't fall in love.
The sad thing is that you will NEVER fall in love if you don't believe in love.
"Evan gave me back so much confidence that had ebbed away over the years."
I was at a complete standstill in my love life. As someone who spent her 30s climbing the corporate ladder and "working on myself", I had arrived at 40, unmarried, no kids, and feeling like I completely missed the boat. Getting laid off from my high-powered corporate job forced me to deal with some realities in my life - I was lonely!
From "Believe in Love", I learned the most useful concept ever: to be a short-term pessimist and a long-term optimist. I actually KNEW this in my bones before I read it in Evan's book. But, he outlined the principle so clearly that it immediately struck a chord with me. Before, in my experiences with online dating, the whole process would move in fits and starts and I'd get discouraged and hop offline - frustrated and thinking "this sucks." What I learned was that I am NOT going to fall in love with 90% of the men I meet! They aren't my future dates, boyfriends, or husbands. It helped me not to take all the "interests", "winks" and unwanted emails so personally (like: "Why in the h&^% is this guy writing to me???") Short-term pessimism and long-term optimism helps me to keep my perspective every day.
Honestly, Evan gave me back so much confidence that had ebbed away over the years. I was convinced that I was "over the hill" and that no one in Los Angeles would be interested. I've completely changed my perspective and realize that I AM a catch! That I DO deserve LOVE! I just have to prioritize it and help to make it happen. After all, Prince Charming isn't just going to knock on my door. I might have to go knock on a few doors myself before finding THE ONE. And, I am totally OK with that today. I understand that prioritizing love is a GREAT thing and the BEST thing to actually help to make it happen. My confidence is at an all-time high and that makes me feel great!
My name is Evan Marc Katz and I am a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and the author of four relationship books.
I have only one goal for today: to give you your hope and confidence back.
After spending 10 years listening to women share their disappointments, I have an intimate understanding of what it's like to be single, frustrated, and ready to quit.
I have helped thousands of women like you let go of the past, embrace the present, and find true love. My inbox is overflowing with success stories from women who have followed my advice.
There's only one difference between my happily married readers and the ones who continue to remain sad and alone.
The happily married women are the ones who believed in love.
You can ignore it, fight it, or deny it, but it's the absolute truth.
You can't achieve a goal unless you can see yourself achieving it.
You wouldn't start a diet if you didn't believe you'd lose some weight.
You wouldn't go to law school if you didn't believe you'd be a lawyer.
You wouldn't run a marathon if you didn't believe you'd cross the finish line.
Beliefs are pretty damn powerful. If you believe the worst about relationships and men, it's next to impossible to have a relationship with a man.
Which would be fine if that's what you actually wanted. But you don't.
You want a partner to share every little detail of your life.
Someone to pick up your favorite ice cream at the grocery store.
Someone to fix your wireless connection.
Someone to book a surprise flight to New York.
Someone to find you irresistibly sexy.
Someone to let you know it's all going to be okay.
You want to sink deep into a loving, passionate relationship with a man who accepts you in full and makes your life better every single day.
This isn't a fantasy.
This is a reality - but only for women who make it a reality.
There are hundreds of millions of women who are no brighter, kinder or prettier than you, and they are in healthy, long-lasting relationships right now.
So what did these happy women figure out that allowed them to let go of their pasts, keep dating, and find the men of their dreams?
They didn't give up.
They kept on persevering, even when things looked bleak.
In my decade as a dating coach, I've seen some really bleak situations, but I can ASSURE you, once you break through that vicious cycle of pessimism and self-doubt, you'll be left with the one thing that can sustain you through the hardest times.
Without it, I could give you all my best advice and wisdom, but it will largely fall on deaf ears.
The very first step in finding love is to believe you can find love.
Keep reading and I'll tell you how you can start believing again.
But first, I want to ask you to think about your previous relationships.
Have you ever stayed with a boyfriend for too long?
Have you ever ignored his red flags until it was too late?
Have you ever allowed a man to destroy your faith in love?
If so, you've been held hostage by your own memories. Now it's time to let them go.
Here are the top 3 reasons you've had trouble believing in love:
Reason #1: You've Accepted The Unacceptable For Far Too Long
You never talk with him outside of texting.
You sleep with him, but have no idea if you're exclusive.
You've been with him for six months and he still won't call himself your boyfriend.
You've never heard him say "I love you."
You've never met his friends and family.
You put up with insults and criticisms that make you feel bad about yourself.
You walk on eggshells around him because he's so unpredictable and sensitive.
You don't know if he ever wants to get married and you're afraid to ask.
You've been together for three years and he hasn't even hinted at a proposal.
You're so afraid of starting over, being alone, or believing you can't do better that you accept a relationship that doesn't actually make you happy.
Your romantic relationship is the foundation of your entire life. If it's not rock-solid, it's not doing its job.
Your boyfriend should be loving, supportive and sensitive to your emotional needs.
Maybe he can't promise you a ring right this second, but you know he's a good man who is doing the best he can to figure it all out. That's all you can ask.
Instead, you've stayed in relationships that started off white-hot and quickly cooled off.
In such relationships, it doesn't matter whether you had an amazing first three months together or how great your connection ONCE was. All that matters is whether your man is making you happy NOW.
Of course, if you're reading this, you don't have a man making you happy now. And if you're anything like the other women I coach, it may be because of one tiny reason: you're still hung up on your ex. Well, I've got news for you...
Reason #2: Your Ex Isn't All That
Sorry, I didn't mean to insult your ex.
But I have witnessed too many women who have squandered years of their lives, pining for flawed, emotionally unavailable men who give them nothing in return. So let me put this to you as straight as I can:
Your ex is not the right guy for you. If he was, you'd still be together.
The fact that you're not together tells me everything I need to know about your situation. See, there are essentially two types of men:
Men who have the capacity to be good husbands, in that they are sane, stable, sensitive, selfless, communicative, consistent, and commitment-oriented.
Men who don't have that capacity.
If you dated the first type of guy and it didn't work out, despite all your love and effort, it just means it was not meant to be. Bad luck, poor timing, lack of chemistry, conflicting long-term goals, deep-seated insecurities - any of these things can break up even the most well-meaning couples.
In other words, sometimes, it's no one's "fault." The puzzle pieces just don't fit right.
Once you can accept that, you can move on.
On the other hand, there are men in the universe who aren't able to make ANYONE happy. They are the lazy slackers, the helpless addicts, the grumpy stoics, the testosterone-driven angry men, the never-want-to-be married folks, the toxic narcissists, and the unethical cheater-types.
It doesn't matter WHO you pair these guys with - they're just not good commitment material.
You may be addicted to his looks, his charm, the chemistry, or the true connection you felt when things were at their best, but in reality, he doesn't have the humility, the self-awareness, or the communication skills to be anybody's husband.
Be glad you're rid of him and free to move on.
Reason #3: Giving Up On Love Only Guarantees One Thing: You Will NEVER Fall in Love
Yes, I know I've said it already, but I'm saying it again because it's so important: If you don't believe in love, you might as well stop reading this page right now, because I won't be able to help you.
Now, I understand why you're tempted to give up on love.
Anyone who has loved and lost is faced with the same temptation.
We tell ourselves we're happier alone.
We tell the world we're enjoying our freedom.
We claim don't need the hassle and don't want to take care of anyone else.
But, really, we're just trying to put a positive spin on an unfortunate truth:
Life can sometimes be really lonely.
Sure, you can fill up your time with work, friends, and other interests, but when your head hits the pillow at night, you're still alone, and you don't want to be.
There is no substitute for a passionate, loving connection with a romantic partner.
By giving up on men and dating, you achieve nothing but a safe solitude; safe from getting hurt, and safe from ever achieving a true, long lasting love.
That's why you always have to keep on going.
"I'm 'in love' with my new self. I feel awesome, totally grounded, and confident!"
I was ready to give up on love, I had lost hope! I needed to believe it shouldn't be that hard, that it was possible to have a stable, drama-free, and loving relationship!
I learned to be the CEO of my own life, especially when it comes to love. Evan also taught me about patience, trust, self-confidence & trust (which I never had before). He reminded me how to tap into my own CEO energy while at the same time using my feminine qualities (soft, gentler, flirty, calm).
The results were life changing for me. I'm "in love" with my new self. This self love made me realize that it was possible to have the relationship I so longed for: drama free, fun, with true commitment and a real, meaningful relationship where my needs are important as well as my partner's. It's teamwork!
I also learned to express myself in a completely new way: without making my guy wrong or screaming to get what I want. I can now communicate in a peaceful, non-accusing way, which not only gives me the results I want but also makes me feel heard. Before I would lose control, I couldn't wait until I was calm to talk about stuff and because I was so angry and anxious, I would never get what I wanted! I now wait until I feel present, calm and completely grounded. I realized that a fight is not the end of the relationship. So instead of creating drama, I now wait, sometimes more than a day or two (which I love) and then sit down and discuss how I feel or how a certain behavior makes me feel. It works every time!
I feel awesome, totally grounded, confident and it's great to know that I'm the CEO! Evan was a gift sent from the heavens! He woke me up & gave me my power back! I'm forever grateful & deeply humbled!
You may be a unique woman, but your negative feelings about dating, relationships and men are not unique.
It doesn't matter if you're 28 or 68.
It doesn't matter if you're a size 0 or a size 24.
It doesn't matter if you're a CEO or a stay-at-home mom.
You don't believe that happy, healthy love is ever going to happen to you.
Maybe it's the negative imprint of your parents.
Maybe it's suffering through a toxic long-term relationship.
Maybe it's your insecurities about your weight or age.
Maybe dating the wrong men for enough years has simply worn you down.
You are now dangerously close to shutting the door on love forever, and sealing your fate as a single woman. And I know for a FACT you don't want to.
This loss of hope and optimism is so common that restoring it is virtually my full-time job. Which is why I discover myself answering the same questions every day:
"Am I too old to have success in online dating?"
"What happens if I write to a guy and he doesn't write back?"
"I'm not remotely interested in the men who are interested in me. What do I do?"
"How can I be more laid-back and confident on a first date?"
"How do I play things cool in the first few weeks when we're seeing each other?"
"What do I do when he only texts and doesn't follow up to make plans quickly?"
"When should I know that he wants to be my boyfriend?"
"How do I bounce back from rejection and not take it personally?"
"How can I make sure I'm not wasting my time on the wrong men?"
After saying the same things on the phone repeatedly...after refining my analogies and finding ones that really resonated...after hearing the sigh of relief from clients who "got it" and were able to relax and enjoy the dating process, I had my epiphany.
Instead of reserving these ideas exclusively for women who can invest thousands of dollars in finding love, I would write it all down and give it to EVERYBODY.
This is why I wrote...
Believe In Love"Believe in Love"
7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence
...and why I've never been more proud of a book.
Because no matter how smart, how beautiful, or how tenacious you are, you've just about reached your limit as to how much pain, rejection and confusion you can take.
"Believe in Love" channels all of the best information I've ever given to my private clients - the science, the metaphors, the teary-eyed hugs, the earnest exhortations, and the rah-rah pep talks that have inspired them to persevere and find love.
I am not exaggerating when I say that women have turned their lives around just by hearing one metaphor that turned dating from unbearable into fun.
Soon, you will reframe your negative beliefs, get your smile back, and flip your own glass from half-empty to half-full.
Now I'm about to share my entire career's worth of wisdom about how you will not only believe in love, but also make love happen as well.
"A Gift to Womankind"
Evan Marc Katz has a problem - he'll never be able top this book! If the singles of the world read it and follow its practical, empowering, impossible-to-argue-with directions they, too, will have a problem. They'll no longer be single, and those who are won't be nearly as worried about it. "Believe in Love" is the playbook to becoming as emotionally prepared for finding "the one" as possible so you can attract satisfying, lasting love. Throughout the book, Evan rightly points out that high-quality, successful women have built amazing lives by working hard, having a winning attitude, and doing what it takes to succeed, and that finding a great man is no different.
I applaud his central idea that dating and mate selection isn't nearly so personal as we make it out to be, and that a few bad dates or rude guys shouldn't be enough to make you give up on your romantic dreams. Evan reassuringly counsels through statistics, metaphors, and his clients' success stories that your situation can change in a matter of weeks. Evan swears he's not spiritual, claiming he's the least woo-woo love expert around, but this book proves he's on a Mission From God to heal hearts, save souls, and ensure the happiness of future generations. His book is a gift to womankind.
Carol Allen, Relationship Coach and Author of "Love Is In the Stars"
Here are just some of the things you will learn inside "Believe in Love"
Step 1: Let Go of the Past
A foolproof technique for breaking up to avoid wasting time on the wrong men ever again. Guaranteed to save you years of your life.
Why you should never spend one second lamenting the man who got away. The man who got away is SUPPOSED to get away, and I'll tell you why.
The easiest (and most enjoyable) way to get over the last man who hurt you.
The secret to a man's heart. I guarantee it's not what you think it is, and I guarantee that when you learn it, it will change your life.
How you must distinguish your ex from the FANTASY of your ex. Chances are, you've been missing the fantasy version of your ex, instead of realizing that in reality, he's not as great as you've made him out to be.
What you SHOULD look for in a partner, before committing to him.
Step 2: Set Realistic Expectations
The primary reason that some women find love and others do not. Once you learn this one thing, the rest is EASY.
How to date without any fear, attachment or expectation - just by looking at dating in a different light.
Why paying attention to your man's bad qualities instead of fixating on his good ones allows you to see him more clearly - and save yourself a whole lot of future heartbreak.
Why the most impressive women take a longer time to find suitable mates, and why that's 100% healthy.
My powerful Cinderella metaphor that will allow you to date with optimism and confidence...all the way to the altar!
Step 3: Overcome Negativity
The value in finding a HAPPY man to marry. Hint: the happier the man, the EASIER the relationship.
The astounding statistic that illustrates that while you can be happy as a single woman, you're more likely to be VERY happy when you're married.
How to deal with negativity and let it go without a second thought. Once you cease your glass half-empty thinking, love can come flooding into your life.
Why looking at men through a sympathetic lens actually reveals BETTER men. Your attitude actually DICTATES the men who are drawn to you.
The secret to great communication and lasting relationships is as simple as this one thing that you've never even considered before...
What it means to accept a man in full, and how your acceptance of him transforms him into the man you want him to be.
A BRILLIANT technique to shutting off that negative voice in your head and dating with poise and pleasure.
Step 4: Defeat Your Fear of Failure
The valuable difference between thinking and doing. Once you get out of your head and into action, you've already done the hardest thing of all.
Why your rich, full single life becomes a trap that threatens the your very dreams of lasting, unconditional love.
The exact way you should view every single date, which will allow you to let go of any trace of fear or anxiety instantly.
An easy method to gauge your own happiness - and get out of any relationship that's not meeting your most important needs.
How easy it is to bring your best self to any dating situation. The problem is that you've never seen dating quite like THIS before...
Why that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach when you're dating a guy is a really BAD sign, and what you should do about it.
How to be a challenge and make men respect you - without ANY games, tricks, or rules. This is pure authentic feminine energy.
The Open House Metaphor - a simple method to being vulnerable, inviting, trusting and warm - the qualities that men value above all others!
Step 5: Reframe Your Beliefs
Why perfection is the enemy of the good, and how you don't need to get things "right" to find true love. You just need to get started.
The danger of treating each new man as if he is going to hurt you. Men are INNOCENT until proven guilty, not vice versa!
How surrounding yourself with negative women who don't believe in love is sabotaging your long-term goals.
Why it's imperative to cut off men who exhibit bad behavior right away. You can't "fix" your partner; you can only LEAVE him.
The folly of glorifying the lives of your married friends. You don't want to be them. You don't want their husbands. You need to follow your OWN path.
The necessity of letting down your guard and leading with trust, love, and generosity. Put a man first and watch him put you first as well. I'll show you how.
Step 6: Carry Yourself with Confidence
Reconnect with your ego. Find your swagger. Never worry for one more second about whether a man likes you or not.
The definition of success. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with success, but rather, this far more important element...
How to inspire a man to be his best around you - and work hard to make you happy for the rest of your life.
A handy list of 10 reasons you're amazing and why any guy is a fool for not falling in love with you.
What it means to be the CEO of your own love life and fire any intern who is not living up to his potential.
Step 7: Take Action Now
Why nothing happens if you don't commit to changing. Dating doesn't involve magic and miracles. It involves simple actions that yield big results.
The eye-opening concept behind Inevitability Thinking, which makes your quest for love a predetermined success.
A completely new way to look at failure, so that any bumps on the road to love don't derail you in the slightest.
Why the next guy you meet will NOT be your husband... and why that's PERFECTLY okay.
A Wizard of Oz metaphor that will astound you and remind you that you have all the tools you need to find love already within you.
Exactly how to budget time for love without doing anything weird, radical, or overly time-consuming. You're a busy woman. You deserve love, too.
The single way you can GUARANTEE success in your love life.
These are just a few of the highlights that you're about to discover inside "Believe In Love", and I'm excited to guide you on this journey and share these and more with you.
But before I can...
You are now at a fork in the road: give up on love forever, or ignite your optimism, and attract the man of your dreams.
Believe me, I understand why you'd want to quit.
Relationships have kicked your ass, so you've given up on relationships.
Congratulations. Now imagine that you're 80 and you're still alone.
Did you get what you wanted out of life?
Are you as happy as you could be if you were madly in love? Or are you settling on being single because of your own fears and frustrations?
To me, giving up on love after a break-up or a series of bad dates is like going on a hunger strike after a bad meal.
It's a disproportionate solution that doesn't solve the problem.
You don't go on a hunger strike after a bad meal. You choose a different restaurant.
Similarly, you don't give up on love after a bad breakup. You choose a different guy.
Once you follow the easy 7 Step Process outlined in "Believe in Love," you will rediscover your lost confidence and put the joy back in connecting with men.
You will feel secure in yourself.
You will feel powerful in every decision you make.
You will be able to brush off rejection.
You will feel comfortable with online dating.
You will feel confident when flirting.
You will feel calmer about first dates.
You will carry yourself with an air of inner peace and joy.
You will have the tools to speak up, get your needs met, and break up with any man who is not living up to his promise.
Best of all, you will discover that men respond to you in a whole new way.
"Evan, truly, you are a Gift."